the ninth step by jen conley page two
Jeff was a heavy duty equipment mechanic. He traveled around the state fixing broken
down front loaders and bulldozers and cranes. He got the job right out of high school
through his cousin Tim. Tim’s father had been a foreman for the company for many years. He
died six months after he retired.
Today, Jeff was at a site up in Middlesex County where they were putting up an office
building. He spent two hours fixing the engine of a crane. Then he sat in his truck and
watched it move, spinning back and then forward, lifting up and down.
Diane transferred into his high school at the end of his junior year. She was almost sixteen
and a year behind him. Her family had just moved from South Amboy to a house in an old
neighborhood near a lake that had long been deemed unsafe for swimming. Something
about strange high bacteria levels. Diane wasn’t in any of his classes except for first period.
There he saw her first thing every morning, fresh blue eye shadow, glossy lips, and damp
hair, usually wearing rock t-shirts and tight jeans. Jeff didn’t speak to her but he never
missed watching her enter the classroom, books cradled in her arms, face brightening as she
quietly smiled at the students near her assigned seat.
Soon after Diane arrived, the rumors began to swirl around her and her sister--that Diane
had a boyfriend back in South Amboy, that their mother was a drunk, that they had to move
because their father had been messing with a girl who had a biker boyfriend with a price on
his head. Jeff, like everyone else, didn’t know which story was true and which was false, but
it added a scandalous enigma to the girls, especially Diane, who was quiet. It was her older
sister who did the talking, angrily dropping family dirt after a couple swigs of whiskey or lines
of coke.
One July evening in Tim’s backyard after the sun had slipped away and left the sky deep
orange and purple, Jeff talked to Diane for the first time. He came through the side gate and
saw her doing cartwheels and round-offs across the dusty yard, greenish brown tufts of
grass barely surviving the heat of the dry summer. He stopped for a moment, watching her
twirl over and over, her dark, long hair flying around her like an oriental fan. When she
finished, the girls at the white patio table cheered and the guys said things like “cool” and
“awesome”. One of the girls asked Diane why she didn’t go out for cheerleading and Beth,
Tim’s girlfriend, laughed.
“Diane isn’t dumb enough.” Diane smiled and sat down at the table. Jeff pulled up a chair
and lit a cigarette.
“You were in my first period class,” she said to him.
Jeff nodded.
After work, when Jeff pulled his truck up in front of his house, he found TJ playing street
hockey with some neighborhood boys. Trent was inside, flipping the television channels, his
feet propped up on the coffee table.
“Mom is going out with some friends tonight. She just called. She said you can make us
dinner.”
Jeff nodded and went outside to smoke a cigarette.
Within hours of first speaking to Diane in Tim’s backyard, Jeff was kissing her in his car. She
told him that she didn’t have a boyfriend up in South Amboy. She’d said that because she
didn’t want to stupidly hook up with the wrong guy at a new school. Before she knew what
was what. Jeff thought about this as he kissed the side of her neck. It tasted of sweat and
dust. She talked some more and told him the rest of the rumors were pretty much true. Her
mother was a drunk and her father had been cheating. His “woman” was only eighteen.
Diane’s sister lied about the rest of the story because she was embarrassed. Diane’s sister
knew dad’s girlfriend from Girl Scouts.
“He sounds like a dick,” Jeff mumbled as he kissed her chest and then her neck again.
“You have to take me home now,” Diane told him, gently pushing him away. “You can come
by tomorrow night and pick me up if you like.”
Jeff had been with many girls. Three years earlier, when Jeff was fourteen, he and his sister
came home to find that their mother had left for Fort Lauderdale with some man from work.
Their father cared for them but he preferred drinking to parenting and spent a lot of his time
at the local bar. Tim’s parents looked out for Jeff and his sister, but they couldn’t do much
about Jeff’s poor grades and womanizing. Someone must have told Diane that he was bad
news, he thought, as he groped for one last kiss.
Sure enough, the following night as soon as she got in his car and he reached for her, Diane
told him that he would have to stay true if he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
Jeff stopped and stared at her. He had heard this demand before. Usually he explained that
he wasn’t a girlfriend-type-of-guy and lit a cigarette right away, like he imagined Steve
McQueen would. But with Diane, he couldn’t look away to light a cigarette. She was wearing
blue eye shadow and her sharp cheekbones were dusted with pink blush glittering softly
under the streetlight filtering into his car. He leaned over and kissed her. As Diane kissed
him back, he could feel his chest tighten. He could barely breathe.
They spent the rest of the summer like this--meeting in his car and driving off to secluded
places where they could be alone. Once in a while he took her to a party at someone’s
house or, more likely, to the woods where all of the kids would stand around a fire, drinking
beers, and listening to Judas Priest or Van Halen tapes. By the time they started school in
September, Jeff was meeting Diane at her locker between classes so they could kiss or bicker
or talk about what time she needed to be picked up from her job as a cashier at the
convenience store. Everyone knew they were a couple now, and everyone knew how
strange it was for Jeff to hang around one girl for so long.
Of course the boys teased him and jabbed him in the stomach. “You’re pussy-whipped,
dude!” they’d laugh at him. Jeff would tell them to fuck off and, if he was desperate to get
them off his back, them that Diane was a good lay so why bother going back to Chevys and
Fords when he was driving a Porsche? The boys would then bow over with more laughter
because the truth was it took months before Diane would let them consummate their
relationship. And the real truth was that Jeff would have waited for years if she asked him
to, and all of his buddies seemed to sense it.
down front loaders and bulldozers and cranes. He got the job right out of high school
through his cousin Tim. Tim’s father had been a foreman for the company for many years. He
died six months after he retired.
Today, Jeff was at a site up in Middlesex County where they were putting up an office
building. He spent two hours fixing the engine of a crane. Then he sat in his truck and
watched it move, spinning back and then forward, lifting up and down.
Diane transferred into his high school at the end of his junior year. She was almost sixteen
and a year behind him. Her family had just moved from South Amboy to a house in an old
neighborhood near a lake that had long been deemed unsafe for swimming. Something
about strange high bacteria levels. Diane wasn’t in any of his classes except for first period.
There he saw her first thing every morning, fresh blue eye shadow, glossy lips, and damp
hair, usually wearing rock t-shirts and tight jeans. Jeff didn’t speak to her but he never
missed watching her enter the classroom, books cradled in her arms, face brightening as she
quietly smiled at the students near her assigned seat.
Soon after Diane arrived, the rumors began to swirl around her and her sister--that Diane
had a boyfriend back in South Amboy, that their mother was a drunk, that they had to move
because their father had been messing with a girl who had a biker boyfriend with a price on
his head. Jeff, like everyone else, didn’t know which story was true and which was false, but
it added a scandalous enigma to the girls, especially Diane, who was quiet. It was her older
sister who did the talking, angrily dropping family dirt after a couple swigs of whiskey or lines
of coke.
One July evening in Tim’s backyard after the sun had slipped away and left the sky deep
orange and purple, Jeff talked to Diane for the first time. He came through the side gate and
saw her doing cartwheels and round-offs across the dusty yard, greenish brown tufts of
grass barely surviving the heat of the dry summer. He stopped for a moment, watching her
twirl over and over, her dark, long hair flying around her like an oriental fan. When she
finished, the girls at the white patio table cheered and the guys said things like “cool” and
“awesome”. One of the girls asked Diane why she didn’t go out for cheerleading and Beth,
Tim’s girlfriend, laughed.
“Diane isn’t dumb enough.” Diane smiled and sat down at the table. Jeff pulled up a chair
and lit a cigarette.
“You were in my first period class,” she said to him.
Jeff nodded.
After work, when Jeff pulled his truck up in front of his house, he found TJ playing street
hockey with some neighborhood boys. Trent was inside, flipping the television channels, his
feet propped up on the coffee table.
“Mom is going out with some friends tonight. She just called. She said you can make us
dinner.”
Jeff nodded and went outside to smoke a cigarette.
Within hours of first speaking to Diane in Tim’s backyard, Jeff was kissing her in his car. She
told him that she didn’t have a boyfriend up in South Amboy. She’d said that because she
didn’t want to stupidly hook up with the wrong guy at a new school. Before she knew what
was what. Jeff thought about this as he kissed the side of her neck. It tasted of sweat and
dust. She talked some more and told him the rest of the rumors were pretty much true. Her
mother was a drunk and her father had been cheating. His “woman” was only eighteen.
Diane’s sister lied about the rest of the story because she was embarrassed. Diane’s sister
knew dad’s girlfriend from Girl Scouts.
“He sounds like a dick,” Jeff mumbled as he kissed her chest and then her neck again.
“You have to take me home now,” Diane told him, gently pushing him away. “You can come
by tomorrow night and pick me up if you like.”
Jeff had been with many girls. Three years earlier, when Jeff was fourteen, he and his sister
came home to find that their mother had left for Fort Lauderdale with some man from work.
Their father cared for them but he preferred drinking to parenting and spent a lot of his time
at the local bar. Tim’s parents looked out for Jeff and his sister, but they couldn’t do much
about Jeff’s poor grades and womanizing. Someone must have told Diane that he was bad
news, he thought, as he groped for one last kiss.
Sure enough, the following night as soon as she got in his car and he reached for her, Diane
told him that he would have to stay true if he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
Jeff stopped and stared at her. He had heard this demand before. Usually he explained that
he wasn’t a girlfriend-type-of-guy and lit a cigarette right away, like he imagined Steve
McQueen would. But with Diane, he couldn’t look away to light a cigarette. She was wearing
blue eye shadow and her sharp cheekbones were dusted with pink blush glittering softly
under the streetlight filtering into his car. He leaned over and kissed her. As Diane kissed
him back, he could feel his chest tighten. He could barely breathe.
They spent the rest of the summer like this--meeting in his car and driving off to secluded
places where they could be alone. Once in a while he took her to a party at someone’s
house or, more likely, to the woods where all of the kids would stand around a fire, drinking
beers, and listening to Judas Priest or Van Halen tapes. By the time they started school in
September, Jeff was meeting Diane at her locker between classes so they could kiss or bicker
or talk about what time she needed to be picked up from her job as a cashier at the
convenience store. Everyone knew they were a couple now, and everyone knew how
strange it was for Jeff to hang around one girl for so long.
Of course the boys teased him and jabbed him in the stomach. “You’re pussy-whipped,
dude!” they’d laugh at him. Jeff would tell them to fuck off and, if he was desperate to get
them off his back, them that Diane was a good lay so why bother going back to Chevys and
Fords when he was driving a Porsche? The boys would then bow over with more laughter
because the truth was it took months before Diane would let them consummate their
relationship. And the real truth was that Jeff would have waited for years if she asked him
to, and all of his buddies seemed to sense it.
